The Mirage of Distance

Distance is healthy. However, distance can also be a double-edged sword. With distance, we are able to relocate the parts of ourselves that were trapped behind the cloak of working for the name of necessity. But at times, we find ourselves forgetting the damage that was done, and out of a vicious scream of loneliness, we convince ourselves that the damage could have been a chance of victory, instead of the defeat you feel in your heart.

I have always lived with the mindset that life is not about a destination, but rather about the journey. In this, I am able to see the struggle before me as obstacles, and only that. Nothing will stop me from the impact I desire to impart on the world. With putting a failing relationship above my own goals, I fell short of my own expectations for myself. This was the tragedy. By changing the perspective of looking at the situation when you feel defeated, you will realize that you deserved better. For you. And the reason you feel so defeated is because you know that you knew better than to sacrifice all your dreams for the happiness of someone else, because you deserved that happiness in yourself just as much as they deserved to be happy.

Marriage changes people. It is critical that your partner is as adept at working together as you are. You never really know someone until you are in the worst situation possible. You'll never really love someone if you can't love them at their worst. This cycle is critical to the development of any relationship, but particularly a marriage. By not accepting each other's faults, a wall is built of resentment, of distance. This distance challenges the innermost foundation of your relationship. If you can't keep it together when everything is falling apart, it isn't going to work. This is how my relationship fell apart. Breaking down those walls is challenging, but necessary if there is any hope to salvage any part of your relationship.

Distance after a divorce is crucial for rebuilding. But at a certain point, when the loneliness sinks in and the heart break hits you, it is easy to want to fall back on the person you tried to build a life with. It is hard. I know it. But trying to find the strength you need in that person didn't work the first time. It hasn't worked. There is nothing more rewarding than finding the strength you desired so much to find in your partner in yourself. Don't let the distance trick you. You have made it this far and you have been stronger than you ever had been. Keep on keeping on.